Thursday, 23 September 2021

Captivity of Negativity

Life feels like the beginning of a fairy-tale, 
when the fair maiden is trapped 
in a tall tower by an ugly witch, 
or a cruel stepmom makes her 
scrub floors, darn clothes, chop wood. 
Or overcome by motionless slumber 
she lies in the middle of the woods 
awaiting that special kiss. 

I sit here as if I have no choice but to sit here. 
I work hard as if all I can do is work hard. 
I talk to people as if I care about people. 

I talk of myself as a stranger. 
I want to get to know me. 
I want to find out what it is that keeps me alive, 
what makes me tick, 
what makes be wake up every morning 
and breathe through the day. 

Showing the world who I am 
involves knowing who I am 
in the first place. 
Knowing what I want. 

Everyone around me 
seems to be doing what they want to do 
with their lives 
or at least on their way there.
I'm not even close. 

I stay doing the things
I know I don't want to be doing 
simply because I don't know 
what it is that I'd rather be doing. 

I don't want to be the person 
who sits around waiting for things
to happen to me. 

For now, I snuggle in my gold sweater 
and itchy as it is, I'm comfortable. 
A split second of darkness makes things clearer. 

Each of the fair maidens lived 
by waiting for their happy endings, 
which involved a fairy godmother 
or 7 dwarfs or long, silky hair 
and ended with a handsome prince 
sweeping her off her feet. 

Then again, I'm no fair maiden 
and my story's not going to end with 
'And they all lived happily ever after' 

I think it would make me happy
if it just ended with 'And she lived'.

Friday, 8 May 2020


The red gash is now just a tiny rash.
;) ;)


You know how there's always more than one me. There's the blogger-me, the gchat-me, the work-me, the house-me....
Yeah the dimentia is great!