I feel empty and sad. As angsty as this sounds, it's true.
Everyone's left. I'm still here. Everyone else seems to have better things to do with their lives. I tried. I tried being more involved. More fulfilled, but it's that moment when you realize there's nothing more to life that earning enough to live and living enough to earn. And that's just about it.
It feels better when there's someone to hold on to. When there's someone to share a meal with, a joke with, the remote with.
I keep waiting for something life-changing to happen. Sometimes I wake up thinking it already happened and I missed it somehow. You know how people say that they live life to the fullest now cos they've been through a near-death experience. Yeah, like that. Not that anyone should wish that on themselves.
23 Sept 11
I want to feel more me!
I don't like work me
I don't smile as much
and I want Oreos now.
3 Aug 11
I've never had stability and I don't care much for it.
25 July 11
I'm not sure
i dont have that comforting determination feeling at the pit of my stomach
I'm just not sure
and it has a lot to do with anxiety
21 July 11
I'm still the same person
It won't change it won't make me better
It wont relax me
I'm still lonely and needy and clingy
i still cry
i still type like a madman
6 months
I'm going to work towards it.
i have a goal now.
:)
12 July 11
Love is strange
love lingers
it's that tingly feeling at the pit of your stomach
it's the heartbreak at the end of a phonecall
Farewell Rakhee
Your grinning face, your working pace
Your hunger for food and knowledge
Your friendly wink, the way you think,
And all your handsome crushes
These are the things we’ll miss the most
About the girl from Trivandum coast!
All the best, Rakhee!
Thanks for everything!
Knowledge Management Team
Enchanting-Travels
Wild Things
I could change the widlest thing that didn't want saving
They might come back to you
Wild things sometimes do
Sharu Bday
Pencils
Jotted
Land
Shrinking
Etching
Sketched
Doing
No matter how 'ADULT' you get, you're still gonna be immortally beautiful, exceedingly intelligent, cynically witty, contagiously amusing and altogether way too much fun to be around. I LOVE YEW!!! *sloppy kisses and bear hugs*
23 May 11
Who am I kidding
This isnt mixed feelings
Im unhappy
I cant be entirely happy
I lie when I say I'm thrilled
Dylan
I’ve been listening to Dylan music since….before I was born! My dad was a huge fan, so much so that ‘Forever Young’ became his epitaph. I remember being asked to copy out the song onto handmade paper as a child. The calligraphy version was pinned up in my room for years. Growing up, I remember listening to ‘Blowing in the Wind’, ‘Tamborine Man’ and particularly ‘It Ain’t Me Babe’ from old, worn-out cassettes. In college, when asked to read out my favourite piece of literature, I chose to take the treasured Dylan lyrics book out of the house and into the classroom. Even though Dylan has been recognized as civil rights activist, to me, he’ll always be the great lyricist whose music is absolutely timeless…Happy Birthday Dylan!
12 May 11
When they said ‘Save it for a rainy day!’, they meant today
I thank the little girl who made me smile and make funny faces at her
I thank the red Volvo that splashed a whole puddle on me
Sun been down for days
A pretty flower in a vase
A slipper by the fireplace
A cello lying in its case
Soon she's down the stairs
Her morning elegance she wears
The sound of water makes her dream
Awoken by a cloud of steam
She pours a daydream in a cup
A spoon of sugar sweetens up
And She fights for her life
As she puts on her coat
And she fights for her life on the train
She looks at the rain
As it pours
And she fights for her life
As she goes in a store
With a thought she has caught
By a thread
She pays for the bread
And She goes...
Nobody knows
Sun been down for days
A winter melody she plays
The thunder makes her contemplate
She hears a noise behind the gate
Perhaps a letter with a dove
Perhaps a stranger she could love
And She fights for her life
As she puts on her coat
And she fights for her life on the train
She looks at the rain
As it pours
And she fights for her life
As she goes in a store
With a thought she has caught
By a thread
She pays for the bread
And She goes...
Nobody knows
And She fights for her life
As she puts on her coat
And she fights for her life on the train
She looks at the rain
As it pours
And she fights for her life
Where people are pleasently strange
And counting the change
And She goes...
Nobody knows
Do as done and there is nothing left to be
Turned out Id been following him and he'd been following me
Do as done after it was over
We were just two lovers crying on each others shoulder
Lover, please do not
Fall to your knees
Its not
Like I believe in
Everlasting love
Lover, please do not
Fall to your knees
Its not
Like I believe in
Everlasting love
Happiness hit her like a train on a track
Coming towards her stuck still no turning back
She hid around corners and she hid under beds
She killed it with kisses and from it she fled
With every bubble she sank with her drink
And washed it away down the kitchen sink
The dog days are over
The dog days are done
The horses are coming
So you better run
Run fast for your mother, run fast for your father
Run for your children, for your sisters and brothers
Leave all your love and your longing behind
You cant carry it with you if you want to survive
The dog days are over
The dog days are done
Can you hear the horses?
'Cause here they come
And I never wanted anything from you
Except everything you had and what was left after that too, oh
Happiness hit her like a bullet in the back
Struck from a great height by someone who should know better than that
The dog days are over
The dog days are done
Can you hear the horses?
'Cause here they come
Run fast for your mother, run fast for your father
Run for your children, for your sisters and brothers
Leave all your loving, your longing behind
You can't carry it with you if you want to survive
The dog days are over
The dog days are done
Can you hear the horses?
'Cause here they come
The dog days are over
The dog days are done
The horses are coming
So you better run
The dog days are over
The dog days are done
The horses are coming
So you better run
Hi Babyness,
How you been?
Lovely eh?
hehe
Happiness
Train on a track
Life's on track. The dog days are over.
Checkboxes. :D
The horses are coming.
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I feel like I have a goal now. a purpose. Something to work towards. to look forward too. It's thrilling :)
Gray, quiet and tired and mean
Picking at a worried seam
Itry to make you mad at me over the phone.
Red eyes and fire and signs
I'm taken by a nursery rhyme
I want to make a ray of sunshine and never leave home
No amount of coffee, no amount of crying
No amount of whiskey, no amount of wine
No, nothing else will do
I've gotta have you, I've gotta have you.
The road gets cold, there's no spring in the middle this year
I'm the new chicken clucking open hearts and ears
Oh, such a prima donna, sorry for myself
But green, it is also summer
And I won't be warm till I'm lying in your arms
I see it all through a telescope: guitar, suitcase, and a warm coat
Lying in the back of the blue boat, humming a tune...
you're giving me that look which says 'gimme a blanket, a bed and a way out of here'
I can be your superman tonight
to ride you across town or just as far as the shore
As far as you're sure
A part of me says let it go
Let everyday be the one before
Lay lady lay
His hands are dirty but his clothes are clean
And you're the best thing that he's ever seen
Stay lady Stay stay with your man a while....
I dont have the strength to carry you
'So I want you to know That I see the light surrounding you
So don't be afraid of something new
'Cause I see the light surrounding you
So don't be afraid of what you're turning into'
I haven't written good poetry in a while. I haven't had that simultaneous flow of thought and tap of keyboard for a long time now. I didn't sit here and make up my mind to write. It just happened.
I put on music as I always do. I opened a word doc quite by mistake and typed out the words of the song as they rang in my ears. Just the first line. The rest came tumbling out as if it had been wrapped up in me for too long.
I'm listening to love songs This year I'm way past that anti valentine spirit. The bitterness escapes. The sighs evaporate.
'I want to hold you'-Staind
He showed me the way to this blank page and painted it. First orange, then red, then purple.
'Halloween on Christmas?'-Blink 182
I miss you, I really do. I miss being on that edge of myself, speaking my mind on that lovesick lullaby of a moment. I still gave a soft mushy corner for all those blushful crushes. But there is a line I recognise between long lasting attraction and fleeting moment of weakness.
I smile at my own maturity, walking beside the one I know so well, throwing him away. There are just a handful of people I'm possessive of and it's slightly surprising to realize he's one of them. I let go of the sand I gripped so tight.
February stars a new interest. I jerk it off like sand shackled in a shell.
Love traps. Hate frees.
And I don't know why this is what we believe.
Someone once told me "It takes a lot of strength to fall. To fall in love. To hit your knees on that hard wet ground and say 'I do, would you?' It takes a strong person to fall in love. The weak ones don't trust their hearts." Coming from a teens mouth, from one hutch puppy to another, this seemed like a pretty regular statement. But 3 years later, it floats back to my selective memory system.
'And they're swimming around a concrete girl'
It sounds like an oxymoron to call myself strong. It feels so wrong when I control that tear.
'And we're standing on top of our hopes and fears.'
Conquered girl? A broken world around her embarrassed by her weak knees.
Now she needs not that protection from all wrong.
"I'm afraid I'm too fearless for a warrior. I'd scare him away with my own little fortress of will power." A princess who didn't start out as a lady in distress...Now that's a story untold!
I took my love down to Violet Hill, There she sat in the snow. All this while she was silent still. If you love me, won't you let me know Those three words are said too much, they're not enough.
I'd like to play lyrical coda until I reach a believable connection/conclusion. Here's something I said to myself one morning and it pretty much sums upmy currentplaylist.
How numb can you get?
To be illiterate Of the art of love.
I confess to myself and to the little world that reads me that I am today unsure, uncertain yet eager. I am a clean slate. Never looking back in anger, fear or regret. Not ready to be worn out by cynics. Not available, caving in to the needs of many to please none of my own. But here. Just me. Stripped of song, crying out in near desperation for something I always knew I had never properly understood. And when I do, I'll be fit to die. While I'm here, living one breathe at a time, will anyone care to get the best of me?
It's time to live up to my name Literally, be a new leaf! I bite off a Phoenix ever so often! I admit I love this flexibility of character. You've got to be ready for a great deal of renovation in this room. And if you can't keep up then you may crash on your one way motor way Cos I've stopped chasing Pavements...ooo...I just love that video...nice use of shadows :) Anyway, the point is, I don't like living muddled anymore...it gets so numb after a point. Messy, muffled me seems like a byproduct instead of the real thing So I drop the MM I write by PM And Private you shall be!
Just when things can’t get any worse, I realise I can’t do it all by myself and I have to be dependent on these creatures called brothers who are not exactly the most responsible things on earth!
But then, he is a good son and I don’t need to all proudly possessive of her.
And he did sleep on the mat in her room
And he did make me smile by putting me on the hotlist and calling me boss.
And he did roll out chapattis…I’m the only one complaining when they turned into tacos instead of phulkas!
