One Woman's Breakup is another Woman's Hookup

The day your best friend hooks up with someone isn't exactly the best day of your life.
You look at them and you realise you have nothing like that...not even close...
Your boyfriend doesn't call you 'baby' anymore and he never ever believed in PDA.
It kinda makes you wanna end it...cos you realise you're letting it slip away..
Sigh..yes, no matter how hard you try you can't help comparing
And that's why when ppl say 'I'm happy for you' never ever believe them.
That's just a line they say cos they can't say 'I'm fucking jealous, you bitch! That should have happened to me and not you!'
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Don't think that I won't miss you

Last 2 days here and I'm now excited I'm just more upset that its her last day. I've worked with her only for 3 months, but the best 3 months it's been. I wish for the someone who I can share my vision with as much as I did with her. It's difficult to find colleagues you get along with, much more difficult to find people who can translate your vision on paper.
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This is not one of those days but it's still just a day in the endless string of routine. I want to hang up my prettiest clothes in a walk-in closet and draw days around them. Each of them loving their own love stories.

I don't want to be thinking of what people would say or think. Of yesterday's wrongs and tomorrows wishes.

It hurts to think this is all my life is. I'm making it one of those days by just thinking of how senseless all this is. I'm lonely. I'm missing that bottle of wine and your face when you realize it's the cheap kind. Crying out to the full moon to do something other than remind me of how jealous I am of those who shine.
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Watched the Oscars yesterday and cried during the In Memorium when Robin Williams came up. It just became real and it was saddening. I remember hearing the news when I was at work and I couldn't express myself. But now no one was stopping me from bawling my eyes out. It just didn't make sense.
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Moments like this make me miss mom too. Cos she's the one who always had the remote. And even though I didn't always agree with her choices it was nice to have something more than blank walls when you had a random comment to make, like "Is Adam Lavine out of tune?" or "You won't get that unless you've seen the movie!"
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She'll be back in April and I'm thinking of moving out. It's just easier like this. Easier to let go. And then when it happens it won't hurt as much. It'll just be easier.
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Waiting on life to change

I feel empty and sad. As angsty as this sounds, it's true.

Everyone's left. I'm still here. Everyone else seems to have better things to do with their lives. I tried. I tried being more involved. More fulfilled, but it's that moment when you realize there's nothing more to life that earning enough to live and living enough to earn. And that's just about it.
It feels better when there's someone to hold on to. When there's someone to share a meal with, a joke with, the remote with.

I keep waiting for something life-changing to happen. Sometimes I wake up thinking it already happened and I missed it somehow. You know how people say that they live life to the fullest now cos they've been through a near-death experience. Yeah, like that. Not that anyone should wish that on themselves.

Waste of a Life

Spent the day watching wedding videos and pinning stuff to my wedding board. ;) Sigh!

It seems my life is on hold. Like someone's pressed the pause button and I'm waiting to play again. One day doesn't differ much from the other so they just become one blur.

I think maybe I've held back or let go or swung too hard or too slow. It's exciting and new and dull and dreary all at the same time.

It's raining and I haven't brought my umbrella to work but worse than that - I'm wearing my new loafers! Hope it stops by the time I have to leave.

I'm not living every moment to its fullest. I'm not seizing the day. But worst of all, I'm not the best of who I am. I'm just existing.

I keep waiting for something to happen. For something to come along and complete me. My Eureka! moment or whatever. When I go on holiday I kept expecting something to intrigue me, intrigue me so much that I would be able to abandon my life and dedicate it to something more meaningful.

I guess that's why I want to travel more. I'm still on the lookout for who I'm supposed to be.