Life feels like the beginning of a fairytale, when the fair maiden is trapped in a tall tower by an ugly witch...or a cruel step mom makes her scrub floors, darn clothes, chop wood...or overcome by motionless slumber she lies in the middle of the woods awaiting that special kiss.
I sit here as if I have no choice but to sit here.
I work hard as if all I can do is work hard.
I talk to people as if I care about people.
I stay doing the things I know I don't want to be doing simply because I don't know what it is that I'd rather be doing.
I want to find out what it is that keeps me alive, what makes me tick, what makes be wake up every morning and breathe through the day.
I talk of myself as a stranger.
I want to get to know me.
For now, I snuggle in my gold sweater and itchy as it is, I'm comfortable.
A split second of darkness makes things clearer.
I don't want to be the person who sits around waiting for things to happen to me.
Showing the world who i am involves knowing who I am in the first place. Knowing what I want.
Everyone around me seems to be doing what they want to do with their lives or at least on the way there. I'm not even close to knowing what it is that I want. It can get frustrating and sitting around waiting for realisation to strike. It's an old game I don't feel like playing for another 365 days.
Each of the fair maidens lived by waiting for their happy endings which involved a stimulus like a fairy godmother or 7 dwarfs or long silky hair and ended with a Handsome Prince sweeping her off her feet.
Then again, I'm no fair Maiden and my story's not going to end with a 'And they all lived happily ever after'
I think it would make me happy if it just ended with 'And she lived'.