NEED A NANNY?

A short plot with a hilarious twist

For the fun loving teenager and the lazy parent

Revolves around a pleasure seeking mom and her 15 year old Nanny

Explores the lifestyle of carefree parents, greedy teenagers

No further explanation.

Settings:

A typical modern American home. The living room. A comfortable couch in the centre. A small low table in front, an old bean bag on its right. A side table in between the couch and the bean bag with a cordless phone, yellow post-its, paper and pens on it. A television on the left, facing the bean bag. A medium side cupboard next to the tv table, filled with coloured rubber balls and a toy train.

Props:

A jar of Skippy’s peanut butter.

A jar of mayonnaise

5 large packets of chips

2 big bars of Hersheys milk chocolate

A tub of icecream

A boy wearing a black leotard, strapped with a cardboard sign saying ‘6 hours , 5 Packets of Chips, 2 Bars of chocolate and ½ a jar of peanut butter later’

(Note: All props need to be readily available backstage. All props have to be distinctly large enough for the audience to notice)

Costumes:

Mom wears sweats and a jacket. Hair tied in a pony tail. Hardly any make up.

Nanny wears a T shirt and jeans. Fashionable hair style and simple jewelry and nail polish.

Music:

It isn’t absolutely essential to have background music for the whole play. But when the television is on theme songs from the American idol, FRIENDS, The Simpsons and perhaps even Desperate Housewives could be played.

Scene

(A modern mom seated on the couch with a fifteen year old nanny. Her bag and car keys lie on the centre table)

MOM: You understand don’t you? I’m not a bad mom. I just need some time for myself. There’s no point spending 24 hours with my baby if I’m going to be tired and irritable the whole time.

NANNY: (nodding) I know how it is. You need a few hours to yourself, to rejuvenate. It makes you a better mom in the end.

MOM: Exactly. I’d rather spend some quality time with him the evening. He’ll be asleep till 12 in any case. (looking at her watch) You have almost an hour to yourself. When he wakes up, he’ll trot down for his chocolate milk. It’s already in the microwave. Just make sure you heat it for exactly 3 and 1/2 minutes. Alfa is very particular about his milk. Anything else? Oh ya, the emergency numbers are on little yellow post it’s by the cordless. You probably won’t need them but—

NANNY: Where are the toys?

MOM: Good question! (pointing to the cupboard) That cupboard next to the TV has all his colored balls. He loves trains. So you can set the tracks for him. Don’t worry, he’s very well behaved. You won’t have any problems. Nancy did say you were a very capable young lady. And I trust you with Affy. Now bout your fees, I pay by the hour. Will 15 dollars do?

NANNY: That’s what I usually charge.

MOM: Fair enough. I’m off to Walmarts now. Have to pick up a couple of thin—

NANNY: What about lunch?

MOM: Oh! (waving her hand carelessly) I’ll just pick up something from McDonalds at the drive through. You mean your lunch? Help yourself. There’s plenty of meatloaf left over from yesterday and you’ll find peanut butter and mayo on the counter. Make yourself a sandwich if you like.

NANNY: Great. What time will you be back?

MOM: I have a hair appointment at 2 and I’ll hit the Gym by 4. So, let’s say quarter past five?

NANNY: Sure. That’ll be fine.

MOM: Ok then. I’m off. (picks up her handbag, keys and cell phone)

NANNY: (getting up) See ya!

MOM: Have fun.

(They wave. MOM exits left. NANNY exits right and returns with jars of peanut butter and mayonnaise, packets of chips, bars of chocolate and a tub of icecream. She sets the stuff down on the coffee table and reaches for the remote. Turns on the television. American Idol theme starts playing. She plonks down onto the bean bag, opens the jar of peanut butter and sticks her finger in it. Licks that off and starts on the chips dipped in mayonnaise. Next she reaches for the phone, dials a number)

NANNY: Hey! Guess where I am! (pause) Yup! (pause) I don’t care, the longer I stay the more I get paid. (Still crunching on chips) So, wassup?

(The prop guy wearing a big board saying ‘6 hours, 5 Packets of Chips, 2 Bars of chocolate and ½ a jar of peanut butter later’ walks in, stands in the centre of the stage for a five seconds and walks out)

NANNY: (over the phone) It’s five already! Oh crap! (Jumping out of the bean bag) She’ll be back any minute now! That damn kid hasn’t even woken up yet. (pause) Lazy family, I swear! Ok, I’ll catch you later. Bye!

(She hurriedly picked up the remnants of her ‘snack’. Exits right. Returns to the cupboard near the television. Opens it. A few colored rubber balls fall onto the floor. She takes out the toy train and throws it onto the couch. Shuts cupboard. Walks up and down the room wondering what else to do. Suddenly, turns towards the side table where the phone is kept. Picks up a piece of paper and scribbles on it. Doorbell rings)

NANNY: (seats herself on the sofa) Hey, how was your day?

MOM: Oh great! Great! Thank you so much. This wouldn’t be possible without you. So, how’s my baby been? Hope it wasn’t too much trouble.

NANNY: Oh no trouble at all. We played with the train and the balls. I read him a story and he fell asleep.

MOM: Aw! Good doggie!

NANNY: (looking for the piece of paper) He made a little picture for you too. It was right here. (finds it on the table) Here.

MOM: A picture? (looks confused)

NANNY: Ya, he draws very well for a 3 year old. Look.

MOM: Are you kidding me? Affy can’t draw. He may be very talented. He knows all the tricks. But he’s a dog for heaven’s sake!

NANNY: A dog?!

MOM: Ya, oh my baby! He must be whining in his room. (walks out right looking extremely worried)

NANNY: Who needs a nanny for a dog? (look of disgust) hey, wait a sec! What about my pay?

CURTAIN