Taking negitivity out of my room

Long day

Short days

Medium sized days

Which would u like?

I’d little a big loaf of bread please…THIS big! :P

Brothers bakery…

I need to grounded

In bathroom singing

In bible class

In me and myself

In my room

My own things

My own rules

And so what if the world defines it as OCD

I think it’s smt more powerful than that

Every time I look at the phone and see 3.33pm

I know

I know its more than a jinx

More

That’s what I call it a miracle

Prejudice is a horrible thing

The bible talks about living without prejudice

And I’ve been doing that without realizing

Im doing it

So now I’m gonna do it consciously

I’m gonna live without prejudices

Keep an open mind

Accept ppl as they are

U don’t have to become like them if u like them

U gotta just let them do their thing

While u do ur thing

And my thing

My thing is OCD

My thing is folding clothes perfectly

My thing is waking up late and running for the bus

My thing is watching the sunset as I get home

My thing is staring

At the stars and finding peace in the illusionary sky

My thing..my thing..lol..that sounds so weird

But this is who I am

And u are NOT gonna stop me

No I will not let u invade my space

My room

My JRPT

They’re mine

And no one elses

They are my stallions not urs

They keep me grounded

I saw so many SHGHS girls

And I felt happy

I felt protected

I felt I came from somewhere called home

I saw Irene today and I feel I was the only one who really understood her

Everyone lives like that

With strong principles guiding them

And what they look like and what they wear and what they talk about are guided these principles.

And they get these principles from their family, from their homes, the place they grew up in.

The school they went to

:)

I went to too many schools to know exactly what my principles are

I can’t say I’m a follower of this this this

But there’s smt I do believe in

And it has all the principles clearly laid out

The bible

:)

I’m studying it too much

I treat it like a textbook now

That’s not cool

The bible has to be owned

Taken in thru every pore of ur skin

Taken in so deep that it becomes beautiful, as part of u

And u become b’ful as part of it J

I like that

He’s real to me

God…very real..living…guiding…forcing me to stay away from all the evil the world flushes onto me

It keeps me focused

Vini remains grounded even tho there’s so much nonsense happening in her life

Even tho there’s so much evil in the world

She remains grounded cos of her family

I can do that too

I can I will

I shall not say anything negative to myself anymore

I shall shut out all the negativity the world throws onto me

I seem more sure of myself today.
I know one thing for sure
I can only learn by teaching
And since I intend to keep learning all my life, I've got to keep teaching too.
It's like what I said yesterday..I have to heal in order to be healed..hmm..I wonder if doctors work like that..I know psychologists do...oh and today we did tat vocational interest scale thing too...my interests pretty much suit my talent..so yay!!

Another thing I know for sure, I can't do without people...the whole desert island thing..not for me..

Things Have Changed

I found this thing in an old chat I was reading
and I copied it to paste here
then it got lost
so anyway
since ur feeling ignored and all thought I'd pop in and say "Things Have Changed"
Oh Man! Things have changed! ha ha..I love that guy on moment of truth
yeah so i was saying..I'm still the muddled goes-round-in-circles-to-get-to-the-point mind
And I still need a new crush..well maybe not so much as a crush as a ..well..whatever..there's like too much confusion in that department
on the other hand..or should we say head...I have weird heat headaches..when i don't eat and sit out in the sun and they're paired with this weird backache too..its painful...
and the cure seems to lie in colourful gooey balls from Kerela...just sifting through them..crushing them in between my fingers...imagining being back there on that beach..on top of that lighthouse...on top of that hill...sigh...just that much relaxes me and then oops..one of them slips out of the bowl and I hear Naik's gooey ball song and smile inside myself, at myself.
I have to consciously make an attempt to unclench my jaw before I go to sleep...have I always been so tense?
And what am I so god damned tensed about? ok lets not go there!

I'm more complicated than a DIVX player..he he..gullsense..the school is back in action..I actually tried teaching Naik to say 'Awesum' the gull way today..lol..pat on the back apprentice...sigh..simpler times...

See this is why I say that we should know absolutely nothing bout the personal lives of musicians...just cos he's dating Jen An doesn't mean he's turned over to the dark side! he he..I kinda like her actually...may not have thought of that combo..but whatever..it's their life! and we should really just stay outta it! bloody page 3! & 4 and the whole BT!
lol..there's a whole industry out there that depends on things like this..and for all u know u may end up being part of it..he he...and then u'll read this post and go..."How things Change"
sigh...time..there's this nice thing I said about it...
"Time heals all wounds is a very hypocritical thing to say..But the past fades into the future and wounds have this way of wrapping themselves up in smiles and staying wrapped up for a long time..long enough to allow happyness"

I think this makes a lot of sense..see this is what I mean...only by healing another can I heal myself..all these profoundities only occur to me when I'm trying to 'be there' for someone..god! I so have to become a psychologist...my emotional life is in peril if I don't...
Yeah so I was saying this whole 'Time heals all wounds' theory..throw it out the window! It's bull!
Time heals no wounds
u can mope around in ur drunken ditch for days, weeks, months and it still wont help..u gotta get out there..with open wounds...ready for the salt to be flinged into them...cos that's what really tests u and treats u and tells u how strong u really are...and weakness is not measured by the tears u shed at the pain..but the cowardliness u show by taking cover in that ditch..
Abandon the ditch..it will hide u no more!
There! There's ur Profound post for the day/night

And I still have a lot on my mind...well at least state of blankness has taken a back seat..
It's a nice phase to be in..when nothing is on ur mind...when headaches take a back seat..when all u feel is a lack of happy feeling..not pms! just not high either...

Now its more back to 'normal'...the thinking headache is back..the one that keeps me up all night...the one that allows free write posts like this...the one that still insists on OCDing ur phone even when the toggle button thing is so totally fucked up...I did put normal in quotes, didn't I?

Well, you've gotta look on the brighter side..the slower music..the better pictures...the absolutely permanent 'dent' in ur bean bag... :)

U've acquired a healthy amount of selfishness...u don't need to give as much as u needed to in the past..this gives u more time with urself..to explore that licity of character that lives in u...and every time u think it's shaped for sure, some part of the iceberg melts, some level of water goes too low...some global warming perhaps...and then u have to change form again, I wonder if there'll be such a thing as an iceage when u stay invincible....moments of such strenght I see in ur future...ur bold enough to resist, to overturn that flake of a ship that rubbed u up the wrong way...but somewhere inside u still hold all those little pieces of soul u were responsible for killing..

Yeah, if u're reading this and dint understand ANY of the above, get used to it, this is how it's gonna be for a while...what?! it's better than the total writers block!