(I’m gong to be very angry tomorrow
It’s not going to change a thing
It’s just miserable
I don’t want to feel like this
I don’t want to admit I feel like this
But that’s the last straw
And I can’t deny it anymore)
The law I will still follow because I love the God I believe in
Because I do believe in eternal life
And I do want to live in paradise.
Romans 2:15&16
It clearly says that the Jews have a law
The Mosaic Law that tells them what to do and what not to
And what punishments they will get for what offenses
But we, gentiles, don’t have a law like that
We don’t have to follow the ten commandments
We don’t have to be circumcised or baptized or receive communion
All we have to do is believe
The sins we commit are already paid for on the cross by Jesus Christ
We have to believe that
And how do we live as believers?
How do we decide what is wrong or right?
Don't we need a law, a code, a guide?
We are directed by nature
We have a conscience
An internalized system of morality
Which may or may not coincide with the law of Moses
We obviously follow the law of the land
The social structure we live in dictates our actions
But what if you could rob a bank when you were sure you would never get caught?
Would it still be against your conscience to do so?
Something Peter said made a lot of sense today
I will not rob this from you because I would not like to be robbed
But what if I do not rob this from you because I do not want to displease the God I believe in?
Even if that God is a creation and not the creator
Do unto others as you would have done unto you
Yeah, that makes sense, crime would be a losing game if everyone did that
And Christ did say that there are only two rules you need to follow
Love God
And Love thy nieghbour as thyself
I would say if you loved God you would love his creation, you would love your neighbours too, you would love yourself too and all of the earth you live in.
If you loved God you would not do any of the things the commandments tell you not to do because you know that God gave those laws to people he believed in, people he loved, to make things better for them.
You would honour your father and mother. You would not covet your neighbours wife or goods, you would not lie or steal or cheat or anything.
Cos if you love God, you know God. And you know these things would anger him. You know you would not get to heaven if you did these things.
But what if you knew you were getting to heaven either way and all your sins are washed away already and all you need to do is believe.
Would you believe and still sin?
This is what I’ve been doing. Believing…but not In Faith.
Believing is not nearly enough
It will get you to Heaven but nothing more than that.
Your crown of gold will be burnt to hay.
So am I doing good only to get my gold crown? Only for the prize?
Doesn’t that make me materialistic…even in the next world
I’m doing good to please God
I’m doing good because once I believe I know no other way to live
I do good because I love God and I want him to love me
Not because he has to
Not because I know no matter what he will always love me
I want him to love me because I’m me
I want him to love me because I’m being the best me he could ever see me be
I want to follow that plan he has for me
Because I know it’s the best
And I know that the more I sin
The further away I take myself from that plan.
Everything is meant to be the way it is
I need to be content with the way things are
I need to learn to change myself
Before I wish the world would change
God give me the serenity to accept the things that cannot be changed
U got me feeling like a child now U make me feel like dancing at two in the morning U make me feel beautiful without even looking into my eyes U make me feel loved without saying the words U make me feel wanted in this forsaken world U make me smile when I'm about to give up
I'm better off sitting here Waiting With this Nervous heart break
But you make me look beyond frosty roads You make me dream of dark, lovely nights You make me feel I'm not lonely when I'm alone.
I'm better off denying myself Fantasies Of Knights on black horses
But you've gone too far Too far to let my mind control my heart You know that line You've crossed it
And you don't know And I don't know And yet we go On this midnight stroll
As long as I have somebody keeping me strong Keeping me company Keeping me sunshiney
You're adorable In the way you never forget You're gentle In the way you caress Keeping me coy Bringing me joy
And just when I thought my heart was too cold You melt it You divine it You smell it You come close enough to touch it
And I'm letting you in And I'm helpless And I'm letting you in
Well yeah..kinda..as in its not on paper and i donno how much I'm getting paid "But those are the imp questions" I know... _______________________________________________________________________ Ethnic day pics up Coonoor pics sent That album needs editting ___________________________________________________________________________ Songs....Radiohead now Just love every single note ___________________________________________________________________________ I've given up with the Kajal It's just too much trouble ha..my goth days are behind me ___________________________________________________________________________ I lost Su's pendrive :( That place was stinky :P ___________________________________________________________________________ aaww..i'm so cute :) will upload more pics of me I like me :P _________________________________________________________________________
I need to stop listening to this song it's not doing it's job "It seems to me some fine things have been laid upon your table But you only want the things that you can't get..... Freedom yeah freedom that's just some people talking your prison is walking through this life all alone You better let somebody love you, let somebody love you Let somebody love you Before it's too late"
I'm telling naik about menon....its time to tell that story..i was gonna blog about how ma doesn't trust me..but blah..not irritated enough..champagne supernova on repeat since 9.30...
naik: so many special people change!
me: so many lives are living strange
naik: where were you when while we were getting high?
me: wake up the dawn and ask her why
naik: dream a dream she never dies, wipe tha tear away now from her eye
me: why why why why
naik: i lou oasis!!!
me: dyu know why this song is so special to me?
naik: am i supposed to know?
me: no
naik: champagne supernova on repeat :P
me: same here
i'll tell story
naik: okie
me: i'm in mood to tell story
:)
naik: tell
am in good mood to listen
:)
me: perfect
so once upon a time
there was a girl, a very naive superficial girl
naik: hehe..
okie..
me: ah and so the girl-she has a very BAD COMPUTER BTW-the girl-not princess-girl
naik: there is a princess girl?
me: yeah...she had crushes on all these cute guys in school and used to attempt flirting..unsuccessfully...
NO THEN!! this is a fairytale madam
naik: oh wait.. sounds like someone i know..
me: with a real world twist of course;)
naik: me!
continue..
me: ah so...the princess girl girl...she had lotsa friends and all
naik: ok
me: but thats not important
see the thing is
naik: ok
is...
me: she studied in this really small class
only 3 girls no boys
naik: ok
me: arts u know..sigh
naik: aww...
me: but then she used to go for comp science with all the science guys
and she was the only girl there
i know arts with comp sci wierd no
naik: aha!!
me: anyway so she loved comp sci
she could escape
she would sit in front of the comp and dream off
naik: oasis?
me: and the teacher was a sweetheart
no not yet
i'm getting there
naik: was he hot?
me: I haven't got to the guy yet!!
and no he wasn't hot
oh the teacher lol..no!!
he he
naik: ok..i was talking about teacher
me: he he
naik: :)
me: so the guy (since i spilled the beans already)
he wasn't hot
he still isnt
he is thin and pimply and well weird looking with glasses
the normal wayside geek
but of course, the sweetest sweetheat that no one understands
and the princess met him at comp class
and he was brilliant
and funny
and used to make her laugh
A LOT!
he he
naik: aww.. btw i lou geeky guys!
me: i know!! me too!
well the princess girl dint
i mean she was still a superficial nonbitch at that time
but then she grew out of it
actually he grew her out of it!
he he...
naik: awww...
me: i know
it's a love story for the books
sigh
but it was all too late
the loving i mean
it was after grad
and he was gone
to a faraway land called engineering
naik: oh man!
me: I know!
but the summer was good
the in between summer
they used to chat a lot
yahoo mail
naik: nice!
me: everyday
:)
naik: aww..
me: it was around this time two years ago
naik: and....
me: and one day..near book mark
the princess decided to be bold
she was beautiful as it is ;)
so she told him
in not so many words
but she told him
naik: yay!
me: but not so yay
naik: :(
me: positive response came....love he called it..connection...so many things in common
...but he dint really really get it
being one of those true intellectual retards
who simply does not get a female heart
sigh
he was in love with someone else
the princess dint know
but she found out..later
but for a little while
just a little while
he made her believe there was something there
and she used to live in this fantasy world
she loved it there
and she wished..she still wishes sometimes..she could live there
naik: we all do :)
:(
me: sigh
naik: (its happy sad)
me: so she let go..she had to...
naik: then what happened?
me: he said it reminded him of her
and she was awed
naik: what reminded him of her?
me: the song...this song
champagne supernova
naik: awww...
me: :) that had to mean lou
love!
it just had to!
there was no question about it!!
naik: then...
me: every Monday she wanted to ask him out and every Friday she wanted to stop loving him
naik: aha...
me: it was hard
but she did it
by december 2007 she was over him
or so she wanted to believe
naik: hmm..
me: she got involved in something else
naik: who?
me: she stopped dreaming
wondering fantasizing
naik: about?
me: she stopped hoping
about him of course
naik: what did she get involved with?
me: and in any case they were just friends
oh..thats a completely different fairy tale
saved for another day
naik: continue...
me: so the next year...2008 started
and she was full of resolutions...her 19th year
naik11: hmm
me: the year of the boyfriend
he he..yeah...
then one night
night before media studies paper in fact
she was msging him
not only him..other ppl from school too...just to keep her mind off the studying
naik: andd...
me: and they msged for a long long time
he cheered her up
like he always did
and she took a psycho test on him
one of those where u ask all sortsa q's and then u interpret answers
he he..towards the end
he asked a very simple question
naik11: what?
me: he asked "what if there was someone who knew everything about u and u knew everything abotu that person and the two of u had feelings for each other....what if...
naik: and....
me: i cant get the right words but basically..it sounded like he was trying to say smt
naik: i get it
me: smt...smt i've wanted to hear for a long time
so i was like are u testing me?
naik: and..
go on..
me: like u know when a guy wants to ask someone out and he asks a another girl for testing purposes
but then he dint get it
naik: oh yes!
me: and he got confused
and i said yes
naik: and...
me: as in i said i would say yes to him
naik: i get that
me: and then he got some kinda hint
and then he dint msg
and then he called!!!!
naik: what??
me: and then....
naik: yay!!!
me: slowly....arkwardly......the truth came out
it was so arkward
naik: fingers crossed
me: so completely wierding out
naik: 4 the best
me: questions were asked
naik: did he?
me: "Did u have a crush on me?"
naik: did he nt?
me: "Did u know?"
naik: and...
did he ask you out ?
me: "Do you still have feelings for me?"
no
no
no
naik: oh god.. why do i have a bad feeling about this
me: :( see..there was this other girl
naik: "(
:(
me: and if my inbox was not so full i would have got the msgs telling me about her
dont get down for me...there's still a fairytale factor left
naik: yay!
( btw i hate happy endings)
me: u see...the boy..the man...he was no ordinary man....
naik: lol
me: he he..this one's bitter sweet
naik: aha.. prince charming
me: he was a prince..
a gentleman of a high stature
naik: get on with what happened
me: so he asked to meet her
to sort things out
she freaked of course
naik: the princess or the other girl?
ok i got it
why she freaked ?
me: but we're talking about a love story here
the princess of course!
she was freaked cos he knew!
naik: aha.. sorry swolpa slow
me: she was freaked cos her dreams were coming true
naik: now continue
me: she was freaked cos once in her life ...for a change..IT WAS REAL!!!
sigh
naik: continue
me: so she dint sleep of course
and the exam was like...BALLS!!
he he...and they met
naik: and...
me: and it was outside corner house..teh place she had thought of asking him out to
naik: :)
me: cos he liked mint chocolate chip icecream too :)
naik11: me too..
thats my fav
me: and anyway there was no place ther!!
:P
naik: they could've sat on the ing vysya steos
steps
i always do
me: she was hungry
shrug
and she wanted a date
naik: wait.. the airport rd corner house?
me: that wasn't a date BUT STILL!
naik: hehe
me: she wasn't wearing her best
she was lock and key earrings and the key got lost that morning
ironic?!!
naik: story ra
me: but fortunately she always carried replacements
and he liked it simple
yeah so...princess gets over earrings
gets to this muslim eating place
naik: and....
me: and the tables are far way like from the seats
so she asks him to come sit on her side
and they drag the table closer
and they order
and they eat
and its still arkward
naik: and....
me: ok so he asks the questions
the dreaded ones
she gives the answers the honest ones
he paid btw
we walked a lot
he told me bout this girl
apparently after our phonecall he got the balls to tell her how he felt
at 2 in the morning!!
anyway not my business.....i took him home
yes..we took an auto all the way to whitefield
i was embarrassed at the amount of money he was spending
but let him spend it anyway
:P
u listening??
Guess she isn’t but I have to complete this….i took him to whitefield
I took him to church
To the hill
The hill from where u can see the whole of my village
The hill with the crucifix
The sacred place
He liked it
He loved it
And we sat there and we talked and he was happy
And I was happy
He slowly opened up to me
We were watching little kids playing
And he compared himself to a lonely one
And from there we went there
We were sitting at the back of a strong pillar…a station of the cross in fact
And I was playing with the sand
Staring at the top branch of the closest tree
And then he asked
“What do you feel for me right now?”
And only one thing was running thru my mind
I said it over in my head..I said it again..I looked at him and said it again…and one of those times..it actually became audible to him
And I pulled back from the stone..the stone..the dream..a flash…
I hunched and my eyes closed
He put his hand on my shoulder and pulled me back…the stone…my head…on his shoulder…small tears..
Not a word was spoken
Slowly the sun set..
Slowly I began to sing
And it was my song
And it was his song
And it was our song
I could smell him
I tingle
I could kiss him
I tingle
I was scared
I was happy
I wasn’t even there
Few seconds later he’s saying it back to me
And he means it
Every single syllable of it
Today as she talks to another man..another prince charming..and the music plays and he is close enough
She thinks of that moment and the way she never wanted it to end…the way she never wanted anything to top it…and nothing ever has…
But it had to end..they got up slowly..the princess descended first singing praises to God
“Dyu know what hallelujah means?”
“No”
“It means praise the Lord”
“I should have known that….
She’s still in the clouds..he has to pull her off the road…his slightest touch makes her want everything she knows she can never have…
“I’m going to write poems about this”, she says
And she does..her spaces are filled with them
“Please don’t put your life in my hands…I’m a rock and roll band…I’d throw it all away”
He threw it all away…all of it..every single tear of it…
“The dream ended badly”, I told him so
Well, it’s not an end till…
Well, today he has a girlfriend..finally…I’m happy for him…he has a cute phone too ;) I’m happy for him
I miss him sometimes..or I just miss the me that was….
Either way, it’s washed away…
So this is my fairytale and it is bittersweet and it is real and it is still alive…
I don't know why I don't know why I just need to let this out I don't need you to help me figure out why I just need you to be there Just sit On the other side of the line And hear me cry
You feel it in your socked toes On wet dolphin tiles. You feel it in the kilted blankets On creaky wooden beds. You feel it in the waiters smile On the breakfast platter. You feel it in the blue raincoats On the trudge uphill. You feel it in the thick fog On the angel epitaph. You feel it in the faraway laughter On a starlit night.
You feel the warmth of a cold place In your tiniest bones, In your strongest muscles, And on every inch Of your goosebumped skin.
