Talking to myself

And they talk to me while they’re waiting for the other to reply
And they say ‘hey’ in this very ‘I don’t really need to talk to u but I’m being nice' kinda way

And the arm will go around the shoulder
And the lip will be bitten on the other end of the table
And the sigh will go unheard behind the smile
The fake smile that manages to show even in her eyes cos it’s been used so much
Everyone around her seems to be melting into someone else
And she stands there melting into herself
Stars in the sky…only cried at the brightest ones
Wishing she had a warm someone to rub away those goosebumps
She shivers
The draft reaches her bones


She’s cheating
She knows she is
Actually she’s doing nothing wrong

Dude I love me

There’s no reason why somebody else shouldn’t
'Let somebody love you before it’s too late'
'U live in a beautiful world'
U have to adamantly believe it’s not totally evil
And ridiculous
And depressing
And u should stop dragging her down
She’s good for u
Ur not good for her
Dumbasss
Kickass
Shake
I miss u
Come back

Twenteenager!

The need to be needed
the feeling of being twenty and never been kissed
a live oasis song

I sometimes get this feeling that no matter how old I get, I'll always be a teen inside...confused, inconclusive, indecisive, erratic, carefree, careless...
I'm waiting for a time when the only thing that can possibly change about me is my hairstyle...how much longer will this chameleon-ing continue!?
I'm fed up! I no wanna grow up anymore!

TWENTEENAGER
That's what I called myself
It's not exactly smt to be proud of...to have a teen mind trapped in a 20 yr old body.
All the qualities of those excusable 'growing up' years wrapped up with a little added conscience that pops in every few days.
Maybe I refuse to grow up because that's exactly what will happen...I will have to be accountable for everything I do. My behaviour will be inexcusable. I can't get away with anything!
Being young is like being drunk...anything is excusable cos u're in that state, in that stage.
It's not that I miss being an adolescent. I just miss being able to get away with stuff that was allowed cos I was, after all, 'just a child'.

Sharu :)

You know there's something very pleasant about reading Shar's blog...it makes you want to write something on your blog! :D
She makes me smile at her..smile with her..at the little things she says...humour so cleverly wrapped up in words...now before this becomes a commercial for her blog....lemme just publish this poem I wrote for her in class once when she wanted to feel better bout herself..I donno if it had the desired effect...she just gave me a hug....he he...it's still kinda incomplete tho..I'm still peeling off the layers of this onion! ;)

Sometimes invisible

Even in red

Not naturally noisy

She spins a web of wit

Her voice she tames

With pen rather than pitch

She won't move an inch

Even when pushed

Confused she might be, careless too
Once she left her phone in the loo!

Hands off handles

Her daredevil emerges

As eight-leggeds scampers

She cringes

Cupboard full of clothes unworn

Bed covered with books, bags

She rushes to college

Leaving behind ammamma’s doshas

You can whine all you like

She won’t sympathize

But her hug can cure

Grumpiness, loneliness, fear.

QuotEd

Ok..I'll admit it....I got bored with the whole copying out from phone thing...so i watched Greys Anatomy..Season 4, Episode 10..here are some lines from there:
"It's good to be scared. It means there's still something to lose"-Chief

"And somehow, improbably, and when you least expected, the world rights itself again"-Meredith Grey

"I think it's better to have someone, even if it hurts, even if its the most painful thing you had to do, even if it's the most painful thing you've ever had to do"-Meredith Grey
I like the last one specially because it has this sense of desperation of needing someone, needing to be with someone at any cost.

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Lines from songs:

"But there's no sense in traveling If we've already been that way."- KT Tunstall from The Beauty of Uncertainity.
This is for Coonoor and Kerela, it's not that you're not the perfect places to be, it's just that I'd rather explore the unexplored.

"I'll reckon it'd be my turn to win some or learn some"- Jason Mraz from I'm Yours
This line struck a chord. It's such a cute song and you try to sing along......'win some or lose some' and then he catches you and twists you a bit by saying that every failure is a learning experience, an oppurtunity for you to grow as a person..I like that..the way he's put it without sounding in the least bit preachy!

”When you ain’t got nothing, you got nothing to lose”- Bob Dylan from Like A Rolling Stone. Here comes the why? / why not? argument…Why not when there’s nothing left to lose...

“Sometimes the last thing you want comes in first..Sometimes the first thing you want never comes..”-Strange and Beautiful by Aqualung

Naik and me full on bonding...he he we have more things in common than we could ever have imagined...he he...

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This is smt I found in the newspaper when we were joblessly sitting in quickies...we were downstairs for a change and the waiters take ages to get there...

"Dreams are not those you get while sleeping..dreams are those that don’t let u sleep”- Akhil Kumar

He's some Indian boxer dude who won a medal....found this pretty impressive for someone who spends his days punching the life outta another human being...
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“The true expression of freedom is having the most important thing in the world without owning it” 11 minutes…Paulo Cohelo

Yeah once in a while I do read a book or two..Cohelo seems to be my readers block writer..in the sense he makes me wanna read him even when I dont realy wanna read anything...and he's amazing..cos he just makes so much sense u feel like taking out a pencil and underlining parts of that book..it's like instant wisdom...gives me smt to think about..and when I do ponder i realise that I dont really fall for everything he says cos I do have theories of my own...somehow he seems to find a place in my head where I can intellectually agree with him and just say "Yeah, that makes sense"
This was one of those moments. the story is about a prostitute who is in search of love...and yet she wont let herself fall cos she can't, cos she won't, cos on some level she thinks herself in capable of it. It's sorta freaky how u start identifying urself with her..at least I did and I was surprised at the way I suddenly found her acceptable, human, normal..despite the dispicable things she does to stay alive.
There's a fine line drawn between passion and ambition, love and lust and as she's figuring it out for herself, I am forced to think about it myself.
So, late at night when all the GV family is asleep, I creep into her skin and dwell there for a while until the hard cushioned bed with its matching hard cushioned pillow give in to my pestering, absorb some of the awe-inspiring thought, and fall asleep around me.
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MsgEd

It's that time of the year again...the clear-up-your-saved-msgs-before-ur-phone-blows-up time! So here goes...these are some quotes, epitaphs I found interesting and just took down to think of later...some notes I wrote to myself and don't mind sharing and some random lyrics of real and made up songs :) Enjoy!
Read at your own risk! Hmmm..where do I start..oh some of this stuff is actual msgs! like the kind ppl sent me and I dint want to delete and the kind I wrote and never got sent or were saved for the sheer brilliance of the way they were written..he he...ok ok..here goes..

"Out of all the things i can do online i miss my blog the most..Not that i would be writing anything imp in it..but just the fact that it's there makes me feel better..no a diary is not the same thing.."
This was when my comp crashed for a while and it was being so cocky..just refused to work!
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And this is something I wrote a long time ago: "Rain falling from leaves..I have this peculiar habit of praying when I hear an ambulance..In fact that's the only time I do pray..For strangers..i pray that whoever is in that ambulance wont lose their lives today..I pray that the doctors and nurses know what they’re doing…But most of all I pray that the driver knows all the shortcuts possible! That he reaches there in time..Sometimes I can’t tell if its going to collect the injured person or headed to the hospital..I pray either way..It’s like rain from trees..”
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And this is something I just remembered..It’s not saved…I don’t know if it should be here..But I’m writing it:
“Why do I keep doing this to myself”
“Get out Nehal! Be the thinking Nehal”
And later that day it was her status msg :) and she thanked me…and I said she dint need to…but maybe she just did…the word that goes here is ‘genuine’. You know it’s genuine when your friends thank you so it’s ok to say thank you even among friends.
Another one from that day that I did save:
“I like this….The need to be needed is fulfilled :)”
Sometimes I don’t know if I AM helping..but I’ll say some things anyway…and in the very first spring cleaning post on this blog I wrote about not needing to be there all the time for everyone….I said “You don’t need to go running every time you see a frown. People are capable of taking care of themselves” Yes, Nehal liked that.…and sometimes, somethings just need a little more zecuf :)
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“He he..I put radio and thank u started playing! Sometimes I’m lost for words..Full love will come in my stomach..In my throat..In my eyes..And sometimes..Just sometimes it's a little too much to look at u and think just how much i really do love u! U may be the biggest bum available! The most naive creature on earth! still u manage to be the most crazily lovable thing! what would i do for clothes if u weren't so thin! ;) ppl hug in different ways.. Mine come when we sing on ring road..Laugh loudly at traffic jams and rip full speed in total silence and know exactly what the other is thinking! he he..I love u ok! There! enough! I'll miss bus if I write anymore :-P yeah ppl ARE wondering why i have my tongue stuck out! :D" This one requires a little explanation..first of all it's here not cos I want everyone to read it but because I want to remember this moment and 'save' it. It all started with a silly argument that some ppl are better to hug than others :P
Now, it reminds me of smt she said on her blog .....moments when you realise what someone means to you...yeah, so i guess even though the moment was silly, the realisation was pretty profound. I did give her that hug in the end, whispered 'idiot' in her ear. Idiot for ever thinking she means nothing to me.
Yeah, I'm not the kind who slacks from expressing what I really feel, so even though I was standing at a bustop, sweater draped over one arm, bag in the other, I typed out this long heartfelt msg around two minutes after the hug.
'Thank You' by Dido is one of HER songs. And the weird ':P :D :)' s at the end were just to make sure her reponse would be a :) instead of a :'( . He he..she took ages to reply and when she did it was nothing more than a '....'
Well, in our case rendering someone speechless is not such a bad thing! three minutes later she was back, cursing me for pouncing this on her! he he he...then I made her play all OUR songs....Boston, Make a memory, Move along, Fix you.....
Yeah, I'm not going to write anymore here, the better hugger girl ;) says we still have a long way to go.....and we do....
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“Ironic…when the literal meaning is the exact opposite of the real meaning!”
This made so much sense to me. Many years ago, Ramona asked me to explain irony and though I know what the word means I can't define it. I found this in a movie called 'Reality Bites' and the next day in class....ha ha...we got into so much trouble for this....I wrote it on the desk with a piece of chalk....she asked what it was and two minutes later we were sitting joblessly in the foodcourt, successfully kicked out for the first time in our lives! There was slight contemplation and immediate rejection of the idea of apologising to Abnormal Ashwini. Oh! the irony!
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"The world is filled with answers. You just have to ask the right questions!"
I know I'm not the first person to come up with this but I fail to remember it's source so on this occasion, I'm going to take credit! -bow-
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Moon Stars

(I've wanted to say this for a long time but didn't know how...guess poetry is subtle enough :) Thank u Zeecuf! Thank you whitefield electricity board and thank you stars....if I were a meteorologist I'd spend all my evenings gazing at the sky, from sunset to sunrise..sigh)

Moon stars

The tiniest timid star gives out jittery twinkles
Swallowed by an all-engulfing glow from the moon.

A twinkling wish would grant a passing glance
While this crescented half-life
Steals more spotlight than it deserves.

The queen of the night stars in every fairytale.
The gold spark wanes under clouds
Like the true friend of a princess
Who would let the sun love only the moon.