Flashback

How do you feel
that is the question
not today
I shall not take the trip down rant lane
I had fun and lots of it
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If this post was about today I would have to mention the pampering I treated my self to. A Halloween treat! :)

Baby's got the bends...oooo..yeah!
I like singing loudly...out of tune
In a bus
On the road
In cubbon park
At the busstand
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:) Once I called Naik from Hyderabad just to sing out of tune with her :)

QuotED 2oo (Calvin n Hobbes special)

Miss Wormwood: What state do you live in?
Calvin: Denial.
Miss Wormwood: I don't suppose I can argue with that...

It started with complete oblivion. I knew I didn’t want to know.

Slow grief rises, falls, completes.

Green grapes, water filters, REM

Phase 2: Talk therapy, music and msgs.

Tonight I shall dance on her grave.

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Mom and dad say I should make my life an example of the principles I believe in. But every time I do, they tell me to stop it.

Every time I try to be the individual she trained me to be, my decisions are treated with more criticism.

Susie: When life gives you a lemon, make lemonade.
Calvin: I say, when life gives you a lemon, wing it right back and add some lemons of your own!

Susie makes sense only when Jay Leno’s on TV. The rest of the time tit-for-tat is the way to go!
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Reposting

Ha ha..I sound so schizo in my blog...Ah its time for that Christmas post again....
Na! not now...
There're these little drafts I've collected over this month.
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So as you might have guessed, these are not recent posts. they are old drafts, dug out and reposted. I haven't even read them through before posting. Now before I start ranting bout my job, go ahead, enjoy the pre-IBM me for a while.
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Feminist rant after reading VW-Room of one's own.

So she gets outta bed every morning despite the rain and cold, and slush outside her house.

She wears floaters because Chappals would make her feet get dirty and icky.

I wore a kurtha..a nice blue kurtha, and jeans…a lot of denim…denim makes me happy. My dad owned a denim company once and my brother bought me a nice jacket..so I wear the jacket…its freaking cold…I’m not gonna wear a flimsy shawl

Under the denim sleeve there’re bracelets..my charm bracelet cos today there is a competition to win and I am going to win it

A watch…the one my aunt bought for me in Delhi

I call the team mates….it so happens that she’s wearing blue too

And they will be there on time

But I have to leave early cos I live so freaking far away

Hurry! Its 8! DC is at 10!

Fine..i leave..I’m happy I’m not going to my sodden old college today

I’m going some where new…

4 buses and a little walking later..I’m there..it’s rainy but I still walked there…

‘There’ is a strange place and it’s filled with mutants with long hair, long earrings, beautiful clothes and make up.

But today is their happy day..their fest..so some of them who actually care wore red T shirts and walked around like they were all important

That’s cool…it happens in my college during our fest too

He he…there are just so many girls here..it’s like being back in Sacred Hearts..a little peace of home.

She goes all the way there.

Then she thinks to herself, I wasn’t affected by it then. Why should I be affected by it now. Too much time to think and ponder, worry and feel miserable about myself.

Enough get outta this rut

U are a strong person

Sometimes no one cares and some one too many ppl care.

Soul Vacation

It was my sole vacation and my soul vacation

It was the lack of anything to do..the giving in to sloth that made it worth it

The relaxing nothingness

The running away from everything Bangalore

And its crappines

And its ppl

And its loneliness

I met new ppl

Not the ones I wanted to

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Like it matters

There’ll be liquor chocolate fountains anyway

And a 25 meter train so that all those wannabe bridesmaids can have their turn..

A wedding is such a social event really

The bride and groom really don’t matter

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U do the best u can

Keep telling urself that

U need a self confidence boost for DC nervous wreck high wont help u

Stay happy my dear

Ur doin what u want

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I failed

:P

U know I pity those who haven’t ever failed in their lives

Not knowing what it feels like makes u fear it even more

Failure is so good for u

U have no idea

Right now I just want to do that paper again

And I really feel like doing it this time

I wont have the nervous wreck beside me

Ill have the optimist

Who’ll make fun of every second line

And ill laugh so hard

The paper is gonna be fun actually

I need ppl to reassure me that im good at smt

Keeping her focused kept me focused thus far

Now when she needed to do it for me she failed

I don’t care

Its my exam fear ill deal with it

My last minute studying

Its really nobodys fault

Im done with the blame game

Im done with the bitches

Ill do what I want as long as I know what I want to do

And when I don’t know I wont use the OCD rule

Ill send a little prayer to God

And he’ll tell me

The heart knows best trust ur instincts

The bloody taureans can go kill themselves

I don’t believe

I will not!

It’s a fun fact

That’s about it

I like the ganesha statue it reminds me of jana pada loka

That day is forever imprinted in my memory

And tho he doesn’t deserve a place on my switchboard he will remain there

Until I care enough to find out what his counterparts really are

Parsi culture

Not the religion

Just the culture I wanna know

Everyone's attracted to that word cos its rare its unique

They have no clue what it means

And neither do I

Bubli aunty can go die

Im gonna look it up

Im gonna dig deeper

Its time for a little identity crisis

Ill make it work this time

I wont go on a tangent on the universal Grey line to appease everyone

Ill make my own

Isn’t that what I wanted to do anyway

I haven’t dug deep enough yet

I need to

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Radiohead is good writing music

And thank god stupid internet is not working

The head chewers are not around

Ok ad time

Medha ass licking time

I really need to stop swearing

Too passionate

Stability in instability

Smt to acquire

Whats 1^st period tomo?

I don’t like that it became gossip

She was so happy when she got that dress

What the fuck happened

Im insensitive

I know I am

And ive bloody messed up too much

Their happy ppl are seeing each other

Don’t tear that apart

I don’t like that

He uses me as his canvas

Poke back

Hit back

U wont even get caught anymore

He always covers for u

And besides the tearing urself in two doesn’t really matter anymore

Schizo anyway u are

Yellow wallpaper

Paper tearing

Maybe he had a really big job

She doesn’t take care of him

Shes so over him

Its good

The grins go all around

:)

Brian

I saw Adrien today

Should have said hi

Such a chuth I am

So bloody uncomfortable around a cute guy

Abraham

Face touching

Im an easy victim

Keep one page open always

U need ur mind maps

Aargh that was idiotic

I felt loved for those two secs there

And madhu knew

She used to be my heart reader u know

Weird some ppl are

They cant be faithful

They don’t know what going steady means

That just sucks

I am that kinda angel

Dude im not going to live my life like that

Pari is freer

She was up

She still is

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Grandparentless

My grandmom died on the 23rd of May
I started this post then....I'm attempting to complete it today.
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I have a very small family.
I should be denied Indian citizenship for having only 1 cousin!
So, it should be hard to loose a family member.
Another thing you should know bout me - Besides my mom and Bro, I don't really know anyone else in my family.
I used to mail my aunt in Canada and Yahoo Doodle with the one in India.
I wanted (very badly) to attend my cousin's wedding in August this year. But the day passed me by without a faint flicker of 'Oh its her wedding today. I wish I was there.'
Even she said it wasn't the greatest time to visit as they would be busy with all the other guests and she's right.
The pics look good. I like the fact that she had a Parsi blessing ceremony. :)
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Anyway, the point is, I dint feel hurt when I heard my grandmom was no more.
I dint feel a thing when I visited my aunt on her deathbed.
I really dint get creeped out when we stayed in her house and I slept in her room.
I read 'The Colour Purple' while I was there.
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Now my mom is the sole survivor of the Reys family.
True, we do carry the surname as well. But our children won't.
In fact, if my brother doesn't have kids, that's the end of the Gamat family as well.
(Not that I have to worry much about that)
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I want to know what it feels like to be part of a large family.
I want to marry into one.
I want to have In-Laws and second cousins and Grandfathers Uncles wives!
You get the point.
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I didn't think I would be writing bout my family today.
I thought I would be writing bout Lakme.
*shrug*
Does it matter now?

Wake Up To Whoever You Are

You're on the grey line…the line between Love and Hate, Pride and Self-doubt, Narcolepsy and Insomnia, Ambition and Sloth…

Nothing defines you completely and yet the fact that you're grey defines how you live.
You used to be this 'Crusher' chasing love, never knowing if you're worth it. Then love chased you and you redefined things.
You're not sure whether to play Babylon or Champagne Supernova. Cos both could make you extremely happy or extremely depressed.
It's that time of the year again when being single comes with a bittersweet stigma.
You re-evaluate your relationships, clear your 'room' and make space for yourself. You're just not sure how much space to allot, how much you're worth, how much they think you're worth.
But you're not the leader of the Anti-Valentine day Campaign either. The wounds have healed, slowly. Are they ready for the new world?
The 'I-wanna-break-free'ness of 2008 seems too exuberant at times, too daring.
I know I'm worth it and I know I can get it. But how much do I really want? Could I do without it?
Sigh...Can't hide from myself for too long. He may make me feel guilty and part of me believes him but I've put it behind me and I should allow myself to live and love. I need someone who can make me feel wanted, special. The concept of 'ideal' doesn't need to conform to 10th std, Shania-Twainish romanticism! But that girl is still alive in me and she doesn't want to stay in the cynical well any longer.
Free her!

Pepper spray

Prologue
"I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!
  I want to marinate your head in stew
  I hate you!"-MJ, 12-1-2008, 14:29:07
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Ok so this was supposed to be a novella composed solely of msgs...like a msg diary story...It never got written of course...n the person the above lines refer to...I don't feel the same anymore ;)

Happy Sesquicentinary!

160 posts
160 thoughts
I've been thinking, as usual about me, and I've come up with a few things:
1. I'm getting a passport
2. If I survive a year in IBM, I'll survive a year around the world.
3. I'm hungry
4. I take a long time to wake up.
5. There are a few ppl who get me and I love and miss the way they do.
6. Some ppl care too much
7. I need a new crush.
8. I watch TV only on Wednesdays
9. I don't sleep enough...or bathe enough...;-P
10. I went to Hyderabad n ate Rajasthani food!
11. I learnt a lot from that 3 mins that took me away from the last Goodbye.
12. I have 5000 less in my bank account.
13. I tipped the pizza guy Rs101.
14. I lost my Green Apple/Hamamun-smelling lipgloss
15. Art is the beginning of the word Artificial
16. All we need to document our lives is a birthdate, a deathdate a 3 word name and a
head n shoulders shot. This is all we need to show we existed.
Now multiply that by 10.....

Which Song Will Work?

I wasn't sure about this day. I wasn't sure about this date. All I could do was paint it out. List the possibilities. As songs of course. Beauty is.......I want a nice lang word to fill that blank. Hmmm